.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
