i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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