Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
