Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
