Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
