If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize