i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
