for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
