Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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