U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
