Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize