I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
