I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
