I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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