I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
