I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
