If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
