I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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