dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
