i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
