Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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