Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
