Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
