I wish I only lived at night.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
