I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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