Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My underwear smells like fireworks.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
