Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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