I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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