we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
