I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
