At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
