My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
