My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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