Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
