yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
