I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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