he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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