The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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