I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
