I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
