The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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