god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
