she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Never underestimate the power of titties
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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