i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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