i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize