she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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