Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
