Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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