the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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