Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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