Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
