He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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