you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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