maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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