i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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