i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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