Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
