I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
