I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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