Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
