Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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