I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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