when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
