threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize