My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
