I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
