All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So vagazzling was a success
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize