lets start a swedish sibling band together
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My legs feel like baby dolphins
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
