you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
