I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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