my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
