tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's blow job season.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Randomize
