Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize