Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
