i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
