Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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