Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
