True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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