New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize