i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
