So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
