I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
