Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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