i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
