GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
