quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
