I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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