So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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