There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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