i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
