"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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