So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
