If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
