I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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