He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
