Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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