Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
