dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
