you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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