I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
