I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
this is an emotional support booty call
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
